Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never.Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse then?"
Q: Did you hear about the dyslectic agnostic with insomnia?
A: He used to lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.
How do we know that the "Toothbrush" was invented in West Virginia?
- Had it been invented anywhere else it would have been called a "Teethbrush".
A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out ablank form and wrote, "Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof...woof."The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There areonly nine words here. You could send another 'woof' for thesame price."The dog replied "What, and ruin the punchline?!"
I admitted to my friend that I hadn't had sex for a while.My friend reassured me that I won't forget it, cuz sex islike riding a bicycle.I know it's been a while, but I don't ever remember pedaling...
What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?
Scratching like hell to get out of that box.
Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went toa local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisementin the 'Lonely Hearts' column."Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per insertion.""You don't say," said the spinster "Well then, here's $20 and to hellwith the advertisement!"
The Young Man's Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchaseand leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
A girl gets a tatoo of Santa Claus on one thighand a turkey on the other. She wants to show thatthere is something good to eat in betweenThanksgiving and Christmas.
What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for?
For flossing after eating.
A man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doctor! Doctor! I have five penises!"The doctor says,"Good lord! How do your pants fit?"The man replies, "Like a glove."
